“It’s time to retire soon, isn’t it?”
As we stroll from an enviornment the place we simply competed to our lodge, the query is casually requested to my teammate who’s greater than 5 years youthful than me.
I keep silent and strive to maintain a clean expression to cover any potential wrinkles. It’s onerous sufficient not to take into consideration the incontrovertible fact that I’m virtually 20 years older than a lot of my opponents.
For the previous 5 years, I’ve been a part of the English National Team in the International Taekwon-Do Federation (ITF). The hyphen in ‘taekwon-do’ distinguishes our martial artwork from World Taekwondo, which is the Olympic sport.
Looking up ITF Taekwon-Do, it’s typically described as the conventional type of taekwondo, with a give attention to self-defense – inform that to my teammates who knock individuals out in competitions.
We could also be residing in the shadow of Olympic taekwondo, however with a whole lot of 1000’s of practitioners worldwide, we’re a absolutely fledged sport with our personal championships and world-class athletes performing at the highest degree.
The day I used to be inspired to check out for England’s National Team, I couldn’t consider it. Training in different places in Europe, I used to be by no means on anybody’s radar as somebody who had potential. I felt like I used to be too previous even at the time, however figured I’d as nicely strive to see if I used to be now lastly at an appropriate degree.
If the necessities then had been as strict as they’re at present, I’d most likely by no means have made it, however the coaches noticed potential and had been keen to take a likelihood on me – perception is so vital to get wherever in life.
Fast ahead 5 years and I’ve earned my place in the staff yearly since, medaled as each a person and in staff competitors at the European Championships, and gained a variety of nationwide and worldwide competitions.
But earlier laurels don’t cease me from feeling like I’m about to be worn out each time I’m going onto the mats. The 2025 World Championships had been the second in my profession and one thing I’d been trying ahead to up till the last weeks earlier than the competitors, when actuality kicks in and the grind ramps up.
Roughly two weeks earlier than the event, the attracts come out. Checking attracts is a nerve-wracking second, until you’re a multi-time world champion, I suppose. The overwhelming majority – like me – do that as a passion alongside a full-time job, learning, or each. But there are some individuals who have grown up doing this sport and are in a position to do it virtually full-time, both by sponsorships or alongside educating.
“I’m not checking the draws. You’re going to have to win over all of them anyway,” a teammate informed me. While I love her angle, I test my draw anyway.
My first struggle – which could be the solely struggle – is towards Poland. I’ve by no means gained a person sparring match towards a competitor from Poland. They used to sponsor their opponents – I do know this as a result of my husband Michal was one in all their skilled athletes – and usually, their fighters are strong, extremely expert and have a component of fearlessness to them that I’m definitely missing. The Polish lady I confronted a few years in the past “wiped the floor with me,” as my pricey husband described it.
The subsequent struggle in the attracts: a multi-time European and world champion from Germany and probaby the greatest individual in my class. I noticed her profitable the European Championships earlier this yr and I believed, “Thank God, I didn’t have to face her.”
Michal, who doubles as my coach, and I look no additional than the second spherical. It’s good to be optimistic, however it’s vital to keep lifelike – it’s single elimination, which means when you’ve misplaced a match, you’re out. What does this imply? Sometimes, it means you’ve taken a week off work or college and ready for months, or years, to actually compete for 4 minutes.
Seeing my draw whereas already feeling weak due to my weight reduce shouldn’t be precisely elevating my spirits. The couple of weeks earlier than heading off, I’m consistently drained, hungry and massively dispirited each time somebody asks, “Ready for your championships?!”
I’m additionally battling an harm, making it unattainable to prepare as a lot as I would want, and work with NCS is extra demanding than ever. The considered pulling out crosses my thoughts greater than a few instances.
The event is in Poreč in Croatia. Two days earlier than worlds kick off, Michal and I fly to Venice, one in all the nearer locations to the host metropolis. My weight reduce didn’t go very nicely this time, and I’ve to merely cease consuming to make weight.
During our two days of romantic walks round Venice, I eat two nuts, half a carrot, 5 grapes, a bag of leaves and a chunk of grilled bell pepper from Michal’s steak dinner. I don’t recommend weight cutting to anybody, however like all fight sports activities, should you don’t make weight, you don’t get to compete at all. In a nationwide staff, you compete to your spot in a sure weight class and there’s no swapping round after you have your house.
The day earlier than weigh-ins – the identical day we arrive in Croatia and begin assembly teammates and different opponents – I begin to reduce water. I’m dehydrated, ravenous and low on vitality, however it’s not one thing you need to broadcast broadly to the different opponents or generally not even your personal staff, as the final thing you want is phrase going round about who’s struggling the most.
I meet two teammates who’re bundled up in layers whereas hopping round in the unexpectedly toasty sunshine. Everyone has their methodology for chopping, however at this level, I don’t have a lot of a alternative however to lie down and strive to sleep as a lot as I can.
The lodge doesn’t have a sauna, so to sweat out the previous couple of ounces, Michal chucks over his garments to me and tells me to do a “dry sauna”: lie in mattress with all the layers of garments that I’ve.
Funny sufficient, it really works: I make weight, and so does everybody else in the staff.
Taekwon-do has 5 disciplines you may compete in: sparring, patterns, particular method (excessive kicks to a board), energy (breaking boards) and pre-arranged sparring (a choreographed fight sequence). Most individuals, together with me, compete in the first two.
Patterns are a collection of actions in the air, a choreography that measures your accuracy, steadiness, management and energy. I’m certain they have to look ridiculous to an outsider, however they’re extremely troublesome to grasp to the degree wanted so as to win matches at a massive championship. You have 5 judges trying at you, evaluating your each motion.
My patterns have by no means been regarded as elite by the nationwide staff coaches, and I’ve by no means medaled in the self-discipline at the European or world championships, regardless of placing a lot of labor into them.
Two days after weigh-in, I compete in the self-discipline and I lose my first match. As quickly as I’m achieved, I headed straight for the rest room and let my thoughts run.
“What am I doing here if I can’t perform better than this? If I can’t do well in my patterns, how am I ever going to be able to do anything in sparring, when I have someone coming at me trying to beat me up?”
I felt decrease than throughout my weight reduce. I didn’t really feel proud at being so upset, indignant and sorry for myself, however that is the value you pay for having formidable objectives in these competitions.
Two of my teammates ended with the identical end result, and all of us feeling low, we do a mild coaching collectively in the warm-up space, to remind our our bodies and minds what we’re able to. This mini-session ended up enjoying an vital function for me: I can do that, and I love doing this. I felt prepared for the subsequent day’s problem: sparring.
Loads of competitions run late and the begin time you’re given can slide fairly a bit, making it onerous to plan when to eat and when to heat up correctly. But even worse is once they run early, chopping your warm-up time in half and you rush in chilly turkey.
To keep away from any potential points, I begin warming up two hours earlier than I’m set to start, however it’s a fixed battle of attempting to be heat sufficient with out depleting your self. Before I do know it, I’m up.
Michal takes me to the ring and offers me directions. I’ve by no means seen the Polish lady that I’m up towards earlier than. My first thought is “at least she’s not the floor-wiping one.”
As I’m going into the struggle, my physique is nervous. She’s not as skilled as her predecessor, and she doesn’t assault. I strive to attain her, however I can’t. We’re at 0-0 after the first half. The second half goes a lot the identical and there aren’t any clear factors at the finish of the struggle.
I’m livid with myself that each one my kicks land someplace the referees both can’t see, or on an space the place no factors are given, like the arms. There can’t be a tie, so we go to an additional spherical and I lastly handle to rating a clear kick on her to get the win. My prize? A match with the extremely profitable German.
We – as a result of your coach (husband or not) is extremely vital in these moments and is the one one that will help you whenever you want it most – go into the match with the tactic: “Stay safe.” Not precisely what you’d name a winner’s mindset, however we’d like to get away from a doable wipe-out situation.
As quickly as the match begins, anybody can inform who’s the skilled. I strive to punch her, however she strikes her head simply far sufficient to keep away from contact like an elite boxer, not like me who both will get punched or strikes an excessive amount of to have the ability to counter. But I stick to our stay-safe techniques. She nonetheless scores, however not by a lot.
At the halftime break, Michal tells me, “She struggles with reaching you. We can win this. You can win this.”
We begin our second spherical. She is available in – I rating. She is available in once more; this time, we each rating. She comes a third time – I rating once more. I’m now in the lead.
It’s horribly disadvantageous to have to chase factors when the match is coming to an finish, however main places you in a place the place your opponent has no alternative however to go for broke. Despite her persistence and much better honors listing, I win the struggle.
The German staff is in utter disbelief and Michal is beaming.
I don’t have a lot time to rejoice, sadly – I’m now about to go into the subsequent struggle with Ireland, one other robust nation in taekwon-do that I’ve by no means had success towards.
I take time to go searching and take into consideration the place issues stand. There had been 32 individuals in my class – 32 of the greatest in the world – and at this level, there are solely eight left.
“Yeah, this next opponent might be top eight in the world, but surely she can’t be harder than the champion, right?”
The Irish lady is sweet, however I win the struggle 4-0 – all 4 nook referees agree unanimously that I scored extra factors.
The outcome means I’m now in the high 4 and I’ve secured a bronze medal.
At this level, I determine to put together myself as a lot as doable and heat up for 3 hours – to no avail. I find yourself shedding the struggle towards a Ukrainian competitor, who then went on to grow to be the world champion.
Though I’m deeply upset, ending with a bronze medal is one thing nobody noticed coming on this draw. My husband says that if anybody would’ve positioned a guess on me, they’d be millionaires.
Every week later, I replay the final struggle in my head and I say to Michal that I want I had been in my prime when competing in these championships. Imagine the potential and what might have occurred!
He ponders for a second. Throughout the years of me unloading each coaching disaster on him, he’s jogged my memory time and once more that I do that for enjoyable, there’s no prize cash and the glory or disgrace of profitable or shedding is simply in my head. This time, although, he reacted virtually immediately: “But you are in your prime.”
When I made a decision to take issues as far as I might in taekwon-do, it changed every part else exterior of labor – journeys to the pub, weekends out with associates and stress-free holidays, all traded for sweaty coaching, grueling weight cuts and anxious tournaments.
The hardest a part of these sacrifices is the guilt I really feel after I don’t win or the disappointment in myself with a dangerous efficiency: “Is this the reason I’m missing my friend’s birthday?”
But in return, taekwon-do has gifted me lifelong friendships and a group that cuts throughout age, class and cultures, and most significantly, the consolation of figuring out that, when life feels unsure, I’ve one space the place onerous work all the time pays off.
In the finish, I feel again to that query that wasn’t even directed at me: “It’s time to retire soon, isn’t it?”
“How do you even retire from a hobby?” I feel as I head again to the health club.