Sean “Diddy” Combs made an impassioned plea to the judge who oversaw his trial in a letter on Thursday, sooner or later earlier than Combs is about to be sentenced after being convicted in July of two counts of transportation to have interaction in prostitution.
“I lost my way. I got lost in my journey. Lost in the drugs and the excess. My downfall was rooted in my selfishness. I have been humbled and broken to my core,” Combs wrote, including, “The old me died in jail and a new version of me was reborn. Prison will change you or kill you—I choose to live.”
He requested Judge Arun Subramanian to let him be an “example of what a person can do if afforded a second chance.”
Combs’ has been jailed in a federal detention facility in Brooklyn, New York since his arrest final September and faces up to 10 years in jail for every rely of his conviction. He was acquitted of the extra critical costs of intercourse trafficking and racketeering conspiracy.
Combs’ federal legal case performed out over two months in a Manhattan courtroom over the summer time.
“I realize that this trial has received a tremendous amount of global press and Your Honor may be inclined to make an example out of me,” Combs wrote. “I would ask Your Honor to make me an example of what a person can do if afforded a second chance.”
His letter follows in full under:
Dear Judge Subramanian:
I hope this letter finds you effectively and in good well being and spirits. Thank you for the chance to categorical my ideas to you. First and foremost, I would like to apologize and say how sincerely sorry I’m for all of the damage and ache that I’ve triggered others by my conduct. I take full accountability and accountability for my previous wrongs. This has been the toughest 2 years of my life, and I’ve nobody to blame for my present actuality and state of affairs however myself. In my life, I’ve made many errors, however I’m now not operating from them. I’m so sorry for the damage that I triggered, however I perceive that the mere phrases “I’m sorry” won’t ever be ok as these phrases alone can’t erase the ache from the previous.
Over the previous 13 months, I’ve had to look in the mirror like by no means earlier than. My ache grew to become my trainer. My unhappiness was my motivator. I’ve to admit, my downfall was rooted in my selfishness. The scene and pictures of me assaulting Cassie play over and over in my head each day. I actually misplaced my thoughts. I used to be lifeless flawed for placing my palms on the girl that I cherished. I’m sorry for that and all the time shall be. My home violence will all the time be a heavy burden that I’ll have to perpetually carry. The regret, the sorrow, the remorse, the frustration, the disgrace. I truthfully really feel sorry for one thing that I couldn’t forgive another person for: in the event that they put their palms on one of my daughters. This is why it’s so exhausting for me to forgive myself. It is sort of a deep wound that leaves an unsightly scar.
Your honor, I assumed I used to be offering for Jane regarding her and her little one, however after listening to her testimony, I spotted that I damage her. For this I’m deeply sorry.
I misplaced my means. I received misplaced in my journey. Lost in the medicine and the surplus. My downfall was rooted in my selfishness. I’ve been humbled and damaged to my core. Jail is designed to break you mentally, bodily and spiritually. Over the previous yr there have been so many instances that I wished to hand over. There have been some days I assumed I’d be higher
off lifeless. The previous me died in jail and a brand new model of me was reborn. Prison will change you or kill you—I select to dwell.
Every day since my incarceration, as troublesome as my circumstances at the moment are, I’ve made one of the best of my time by studying books, writing, figuring out, or in remedy acquiring the instruments and information to cope with my previous drug abuse and anger points. I’ve been placing in the work and working diligently to develop into one of the best model of myself to be sure that I by no means make the identical errors once more.
I notice that I’m in a state of affairs the place no quantity of cash, energy or fame can save me. Only God can save me. My grandmother used to educate me that God makes no errors and that all the pieces He does is on your good. I consider {that a} unhealthy state of affairs can be utilized for good. Although this example has been the toughest and darkest time in my life, good issues have come out of my incarceration. For starters, I’m now sober for the primary time in 25 years. I’ve been attempting my finest to cope with my drug abuse and anger points and take accountability in addition to optimistic steps in direction of therapeutic. One of essentially the most lovely issues I’ve skilled is being requested by my fellow inmates to educate and mentor them. They wished to be taught what I did to develop into a profitable enterprise man. I used to be impressed by their starvation and want to be taught data in order to not solely set targets however obtain any aim/dream that their hearts want. I began educating a 6 week program known as Free Game (title given by my fellow inmates), which I used to be in a position to have authorized and sanctioned by the Bureau of Prisons (BOP). I don’t simply educate about my success, I additionally educate about my errors and failures. It has actually been a blessing to do one thing optimistic in a adverse state of affairs. It has been lovely to see the newfound hope in my fellow inmates’ eyes. The most stunning factor was to see the unity and the peace this class has produced. As you’re in all probability conscious, jails and prisons are segregated locations. However, in our class, we’ve got Black, Spanish, White and Asian all collectively in one room studying and working collectively. We even have an interpreter for the Spanish talking inmates. The largest miracle that I’ve seen with this class is all of the gangs resembling Bloods, Crips, MS-13s, Trinitarios and 18th Streets, in one room working collectively. I’m additionally proud to say that since this class began, there have been no fights in our unit. This class has additionally helped me in my time of want and despair. Being in a position to do one thing good for others has additionally given me a lot wanted hope. God blessed me with this chance to assist others and I’ll proceed to achieve this.
I ask you for mercy immediately, not just for my sake, however for the sake of my kids. God blessed me with 7 lovely kids—3 sons and 4 daughters. Their names are Quincy, Justin, Christian, Chance, Jessie, D’lia and the latest addition, a 2 yr previous daughter, Love. Four of my kids misplaced their mom, Kim Porter, as she tragically handed away in 2018. I’m their solely guardian. I’ve failed my kids as a father. My father was murdered after I was 3 years previous so I do know first-hand what it’s to not have a father. More than something, I simply need the chance to return house and be the daddy that they want and deserve. God additionally blessed me with the best mom in the world. My mom sacrificed her life and goals to present for me and my youthful sister, Keisha. She labored 3 jobs to ensure that we had a roof over our heads, garments on our backs and one of the best schooling. My mom is now 84 years previous and she lately had mind surgical procedure. Despite her personal well being challenges, she attended my trial every single day. I’ve all the time been her major caregiver. It breaks my coronary heart that I put myself in this example and for the primary time, I’m unable to be there for my mom when she wants me most . As I write you this letter, I’m scared to dying. Scared to spend one other second away from my mom and my kids. I now not care in regards to the cash or the celebrity. There is nothing extra essential to me than my household. I perceive that one issue the Court has to contemplate is deterrence. Deterrence for me and for others to be sure that nobody follows in my footsteps and makes the identical errors.
For over a yr, I’ve been locked in one room with twenty-five different incarcerated folks, sharing the identical one room. In this room that I share, there aren’t any home windows, there isn’t a pure/clear air, there isn’t a daylight and all of us dwell in one room. We eat, sleep, use the bathroom, take showers, and put together meals all in the identical room. The situations that my actions have positioned me in are inhumane. I don’t let you know this for pity or sympathy. I’m merely sharing my reality and the reality of my fellow incarcerated folks. We haven’t any clear consuming water and we boil our consuming water. We all share one washer (which is damaged). I’m surrounded by medicine and dwell every single day with the fixed risk of being stabbed or shedding my life. Again—I’m not anticipating pity or sympathy, however my time at MDC has modified me perpetually!
Prior to being in jail, I took care of and was current for my household. Being in jail, and as a result of of my conduct, I misplaced the flexibility to take care of my mom. I misplaced the flexibility to successfully increase and assist my kids. I’ve missed my three (3) daughter’s proms and graduations. I’ve missed taking one of my daughters to school. I’ve misplaced the liberty to educate my two yr previous how to converse, dance, play, or be there to console her when she falls down or has a nightmare.
I began from nothing and labored exhausting to earn all the pieces I had. But as a result of of my conduct, I’ve misplaced all of my companies. I’ve misplaced my profession. I misplaced the constitution colleges that I began and I’ve destroyed my status and stained the status of people who labored for me. I misplaced my being current with my household. Between of all of my losses and classes, I can state for a incontrovertible fact that I’ll by no means be in one other legal Courtroom once more and I don’t consider another individual would do something related from worry of related punishment. If you give me an opportunity, I would love the chance to share my story with folks to stop at the very least one individual from making the errors that I’ve made.
I can’t change the previous, however I can change the longer term. I do know that God put me right here to rework me. Since incarceration, I’ve gone by means of a non secular reset. I’m on a journey that can take time and exhausting work. I’m proud to say I’m working tougher than I ever have earlier than. I’m dedicated to the journey of remaining a drug free, non-violent and peaceable individual. I thank God that I’m stronger, wiser, clear, clear and sober. God makes no errors. I notice that this trial has obtained an incredible quantity of world press and Your Honor could also be inclined to make an instance out of me. I’d ask Your Honor to make me an instance of what an individual can do if afforded a second probability. If you permit me to go house to my household, I promise I cannot allow you to down and I’ll make you proud.
Today, I humbly ask you for one more probability—one other probability to be a greater father, one other probability to be a greater son, one other probability to be a greater chief in my group, and one other probability to dwell a greater life. I’m penning this not to achieve any sympathy or pity, this expertise is solely the reality of my existence and has modified my life perpetually and I’ll by no means commit a criminal offense once more
Thank you on your time and consideration.
Sean Combs